There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize