i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
