Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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