i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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