its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
