Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
