I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
