There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
