Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize