well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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