We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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