Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
