We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
