why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
