Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
