My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
