You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
