And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
