white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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