Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
