the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize