I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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