Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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