I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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