her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
