Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
