wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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