i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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