Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
