I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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