Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
