STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
