pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
