drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
