Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm passing your future prison.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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