Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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