is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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