WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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