if only i could text you this smell
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
