I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
