Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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