i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
