I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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