we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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