what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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