Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
