my mouth tastes like poor choices
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize