Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
