So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
