I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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