So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
