i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
