If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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