he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
