shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
