I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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