Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
