After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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