Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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