i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
