Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
