My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
