So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
