Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
